I am a Writer!
For as long as I can remember I have written. First it was stories, then poems, now a mix, and always letters and later journal entries. I can't remember a time when I didn't write although there must have been a time!
I'm pretty sure I was already story writing when I started Kindergarten and I can remember sitting at home writing long tales in Year 1. I can remember reading these stories to my sister who always made me feel like she wanted to listen. She was a lot older than I was and wrote amazing children's fairy tales - I still have some of them in her handwriting! I suppose she was the person who encouraged me to write.
However, after finishing Primary School where I always came first in Story Writing, I arrived in High School believing I was not creative and continued to think this for many years. I had never thought of this before, but, my sister died when I was in Year 7. I guess I then had no one to encourage my writing.
During those 'non-creative' years, my writing took the form of essays, letters and later journal entries. I may not have been writing fiction then but I was making up story after story in my imagination. In fact, I had a whole world in my head of people and places, events and adventures. Those stories were only for me, after all I was not creative enough to write them down for others to read.
Sometimes people would say how much they enjoyed my interesting letters - I thought they were just being kind to uncreative me. I started keeping a journal when I was in my 20s but at that time it was rather dull recording events and feelings as minimally as possible - I knew I wasn't a writer.
Quite suddenly, for no apparent reason it all changed. I was sitting on a hill in the Chiltens, just outside of London, when I wrote the first poem I can ever remember writing. I had been going through a difficult time trying to make some decisions about the future, but that day I had just been thoroughly enjoying myself, walking with a friend, when at the end of a steep climb I had sat down for a rest and taken out my journal to record where we were, but instead wrote a poem.
After that the poems started to come slowly, when least expected and with no particular desire on my part to become a poet.
A few years after coming back from overseas I got a job in a school, teaching Secondary English (and History). In the first year the staff member who was running the annual Writers' Camp became ill quite suddenly and I heard myself saying, "I'll do it". Why I said I'd do it is not clear to me even now (obviously it was God's prompting), I think I felt a tug to again be involved in writing.
I had been reading and thinking and had begun to believe that as a child of the Supreme Creator I might just be creative! I had begun to learn that creativity came in all shapes and sizes and that everyone was creative in some way.
Thus began my numerous years of running writers' camps and encouraging others to write creatively. I seemed to intuitively know how to help others write and as time went on I re-discovered my own voice as a creative writer both in poetry and in prose.
Now I write almost every day and feel able to call myself a writer and a poet. However, I still struggle with thinking of myself as good. By that I mean, good enough for others to want to read it. I am very adept at brushing off anyone telling me my writing is good.
This is my challenge. I started writing this blog thinking I would write regularly but then decided no one would really want to read it so why bother. That was an excuse, a fear of still not believing I'm a real writer!! My challenge - to keep writing regardless!
Vicki