The Year of Living Dangerously
Thursday 14 June 2012
we need to let go and go with our children
Tuesday 12 June 2012
just a bit of writing!
Sunday 10 June 2012
Saturday 9 June 2012
For as long as I can remember I have written. First it was stories, then poems, now a mix, and always letters and later journal entries. I can't remember a time when I didn't write although there must have been a time!
I'm pretty sure I was already story writing when I started Kindergarten and I can remember sitting at home writing long tales in Year 1. I can remember reading these stories to my sister who always made me feel like she wanted to listen. She was a lot older than I was and wrote amazing children's fairy tales - I still have some of them in her handwriting! I suppose she was the person who encouraged me to write.
However, after finishing Primary School where I always came first in Story Writing, I arrived in High School believing I was not creative and continued to think this for many years. I had never thought of this before, but, my sister died when I was in Year 7. I guess I then had no one to encourage my writing.
During those 'non-creative' years, my writing took the form of essays, letters and later journal entries. I may not have been writing fiction then but I was making up story after story in my imagination. In fact, I had a whole world in my head of people and places, events and adventures. Those stories were only for me, after all I was not creative enough to write them down for others to read.
Sometimes people would say how much they enjoyed my interesting letters - I thought they were just being kind to uncreative me. I started keeping a journal when I was in my 20s but at that time it was rather dull recording events and feelings as minimally as possible - I knew I wasn't a writer.
Quite suddenly, for no apparent reason it all changed. I was sitting on a hill in the Chiltens, just outside of London, when I wrote the first poem I can ever remember writing. I had been going through a difficult time trying to make some decisions about the future, but that day I had just been thoroughly enjoying myself, walking with a friend, when at the end of a steep climb I had sat down for a rest and taken out my journal to record where we were, but instead wrote a poem.
After that the poems started to come slowly, when least expected and with no particular desire on my part to become a poet.
A few years after coming back from overseas I got a job in a school, teaching Secondary English (and History). In the first year the staff member who was running the annual Writers' Camp became ill quite suddenly and I heard myself saying, "I'll do it". Why I said I'd do it is not clear to me even now (obviously it was God's prompting), I think I felt a tug to again be involved in writing.
I had been reading and thinking and had begun to believe that as a child of the Supreme Creator I might just be creative! I had begun to learn that creativity came in all shapes and sizes and that everyone was creative in some way.
Thus began my numerous years of running writers' camps and encouraging others to write creatively. I seemed to intuitively know how to help others write and as time went on I re-discovered my own voice as a creative writer both in poetry and in prose.
Now I write almost every day and feel able to call myself a writer and a poet. However, I still struggle with thinking of myself as good. By that I mean, good enough for others to want to read it. I am very adept at brushing off anyone telling me my writing is good.
This is my challenge. I started writing this blog thinking I would write regularly but then decided no one would really want to read it so why bother. That was an excuse, a fear of still not believing I'm a real writer!! My challenge - to keep writing regardless!
Vicki
Sunday 25 March 2012
Joy
No actual balcony, no actual sea but there still needs to be time in my day to reflect. At home it is harder not to be distracted by things that need to be done. At any given moment there are a whole list of possibilities to do.
As I started to reflect on the past week it just seemed a blur, a week that had all rolled in to a frenetic attempt to get through each day. It was actually hard to distinguish the days.
In the midst of the pace I had lost the idea of joy, of blessings given day by day. I was reading one day this past week about how it is more natural to be fearful and to worry than to be joyful. I had found myself slipping in to this fear and worry in the busyness of my week, not because there was any big thing to be fearful about or to worry about, but because I hadn’t taken the opportunity to find joy.
I think for a lot of my life I have expected joy to find me, now I realize it is up to me to look for the glimmer, the splash, the sheer beauty of joy in each day. It’s always there, I don’t always look.
As I reflect about the week I am looking for the joy in each day that perhaps I missed at the time!
Last Sunday as I left the sparkling water and lush green hills of the Central Coast there was joy in just the looking around me. A moment of stopping and looking gave joy for the rest of the day, made me reflect on a God who could be so creative as to have a still beautiful bay on one side of the hill and a wild sea on the other.
On Monday there was the joy of reading to students who were really enjoying the book, who had got involved in the life of the main character and wanted to know what happened next.
On Tuesday there was the joy of caring people taking time to listen and understand.
On Wednesday there was the joy of spending time with a friend, not even having to talk all the time – being secure in our friendship.
On Thursday there was the joy of having time to read in bed, get up a little later before the teaching day started. Then the part of the week that is always so special and brings joy just anticipating it – spending time with family and playing with my grandsons.
Friday, the joy of spending time with colleagues after work and being energized for the weekend.
Finding joy in every day wasn’t too hard! Imagine all the points of joy I missed because I didn’t look. Every day there are gifts we need to look for and take hold of. Everyday there is joy.
Sunday 18 March 2012
reflecting on the balconey
It’s not hard to write sitting on a balcony looking out at Hardy Bay. Even the rain falling persistently doesn’t detract from the morning. There is a gentleness, a peace, a rest, a joy in being able to begin a day just like this – sipping tea on the balcony looking at the water.
I was involved in a Leadership Intensive last year and one of the things we talked about was having balcony moments. It didn’t mean actual, real balconies, of course (although I feel that real balcony moments are just as important!) What they meant was to take time to step back from our life and get a clearer look at it from a different perspective. To be able to withdraw and have time to think and reflect.
As I sit here this morning letting my mind wander, the past week takes on a different perspective. It has been easy to see the blessings! My mind replayed Period 6 with Year 7/8 Explorers yesterday afternoon. It was very chaotic and everyone was doing something different and my head was spinning from trying to answer a multitude of different questions at the same time – is girragundji a frog in the aboriginal language; what’s a simile; can I draw the map on coloured paper; can we make up a drama instead of a dance? Yes, it was chaotic. But as I reflect it brings a smile to my face – a room full of students all busily enjoying working (yes, English IS fun!). What I remember most is the smile on one students face as I explained what a simile was and he got it.
Why write all this? The balcony moment this morning is bringing into perspective all the little moments from the week, and instead of feeling exhausted from the week I can see a purpose, a reason for what I do.
I can’t travel to the Central Coast every weekend. There won’t be a real balcony or a real bay every Saturday. However, right here and now I am deciding that every Saturday morning from now on will be a time to stop and reflect on the week past in a different way. Saturday mornings will be a time to look for those Ah Ha! Moments.
Monday 13 February 2012
gorillas
It is about listening to my heart/soul/the bit that's created in the image of God. Last week I was asked to speak at a Conference later in the year. At first I thought I would do something about writing. Then into my head came the idea of exploring the way God's creativity can unfold in the classroom. Dressing up as a gorilla for my class is part of that. I want them to have fun but I also want to challenge them to think differently. I think I have lost a little of that creative approach to teaching over the last little while because it takes effort and vulnerability and time!
This year is about taking up the challenge to live dangerously - live the life God intended for me instead of the cautious one I so often adopt. I do know there's an extroverted Vicki who longs to do crazy things from time to time, but she is often put in her place by the organised, logical, duty bound Vicki. Well it's time to let go, be free! Let a bit of craziness supplement the rest.
I think God intended for us to be playful and sin has bound us up in so many ways. I know that, yet I still let myself be bound at times instead of living the life I can live because of the incomparably great power God gives us to live as He intended.
Well, it really is time to go to sleep, perhaps I'll dream of gorillas - the gentle playful ones like the one in the book I've been doing with Year 7/8. I'll go to sleep wondering what other creative ideas might be lurking around - there are usually plenty if I just take time to listen!